I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
