Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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