it wasn't lemon gatorade
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
