Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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