i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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