Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
