You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
