I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
