I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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