I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize