They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
