he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
