If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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