You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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