Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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