I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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