In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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