Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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