ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
