Ambien. No doubt about it.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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