Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
