seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
