so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
