you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
