What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
