you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
