I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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