her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
