I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
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I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
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I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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