remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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