I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
