Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
