she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You left your phone here
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