Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
