So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
