I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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