You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize