She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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