Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
