Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
