one might say we're banned from that church
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
