I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
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Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
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His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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