matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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