Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
