Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
