Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
