mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
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I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
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Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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