and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
