Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
