the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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