weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
