we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
