Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
