I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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