I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
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His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
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Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize