So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
