go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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