I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
