That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
