Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
