You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
