Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
