Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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