I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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