no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
When are your genitals available?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
