im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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