Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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