I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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