Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
