thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
