last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
