plz talk dirty to me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
