I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
